I'm Not Saying That Gingers Eat People

Imaginary readers, it is time to bring you up to speed on my latest project/life’s work. 

I’ve realized recently that my calling is, without a doubt, to write a book that looks at today’s Ginger population from a sociological perspective. 

To all the Gingers out there reading this: I make no apologies.  I do not discourage you from reading this, but I will take no interests in your complaints and/or any parallels drawn between myself and any of the various dictators of the last few millennia.

Those parallels have already been drawn, Gingers. You’re too late.

That and I’m a girl whose own mother has accused her of having “too much self esteem.”  I don’t really know what that means, but it’s probably because I don’t listen when other people talk.

Just a guess. 

Back to the subject at hand.  The book will be a study of today’s Ginger population and will be divided into four sections, each of which will both ask and attempt to answer the dozens, nay, hundreds, of questions that today’s society has about Gingers. 

I’ll give you a preview of each section.  

#1 - Introduction: This section will serve to outline my purpose for writing, for those of you who don’t know what an introduction does.  For example, I’ll explain my title, I’m Not Saying that Gingers Eat People. I decided to let the title come to me after I started writing the book, and the other night at dinner, it did just that.  My roommate and number #3 fan (no, Mom and Dad are #17 and #38, respectively), suggested that I explain to our tablemates, some of whom were little better than strangers, the project I’d been working on.  I acquiesced and was soon met with opposition when I began to describe the chapter “The Flamingo Theory: Gingers’ Evolution from Vampires.”

“You think Gingers are cannibals!?”

“No, stranger, I’m not saying that Gingers eat people. I’m just taking an objective look at the mysteries that surround the Ginger.”

And there it was.  I’m not saying that Gingers Eat People. 

Because I’m not attacking Gingers.  I am finding out if they need to be attacked.

I’m going to settle this once and for all. 

#2 - Theories about Gingers: This section will explore the Ginger lore that has accumulated over the course of their existence. One chapter in this section is entitled “Life After Gingers: The Looming Ginger Extinction.” This chapter will look into the validity of the rumor that Gingers could be extinct within the next fifty years.  It will draw comparisons to dinosaurs, determine whether the rumor is true or false, and explore the very real possibility that this rumor is being spread by Gingers themselves in order to distract us from the fact that their numbers are increasing and that a hostile takeover is in the works.  This chapter will answer the question that we’ve all been asking:

Should we be afraid?

#3 - Ginger Studies: This section will serve both as a history of Gingers and as an all encompassing view of Gingers today. Chapters will include “Faux Gingers: Why would you do that to yourself?”, “Gingers in the Bedroom: Does the Carpet Match the Drapes?”, “Seeing Red: Imagery Inspired by Gingers,” and “Great Gingers in History.”

#4 - Ginger Culture: This section will explore life from the Ginger perspective.  What is it like to be a Ginger? I plan to track down and extensively interview several Gingers as well as people who consider themselves lovers and friends of Gingers. I want to answer the important questions.

for example:

What is a Ginger’s preferred habitat? preferences? food? temperature? likes? dislikes?
What is life like for a “half-ginger” or “trans-ginger”?
How does it feel to be the non Ginger child of a Ginger parent?
How do Gingers feel about the spice?

#5 - Gingers in the Future: This section is going to take what has been discovered about Gingers in the previous sections and use it to advise action. People will be solidified in their options after reading this chapter. 

Do we want to support some sort of Ginger pride parade?
Should we breed Gingers to avoid their extinction?
If underground Ginger breeding societies already exist, should we encourage them? Get rid of them? Ignore their existence?
Should Gingers be treated differently in a social sense? Medically? Do they respond the same to normal medication?

The book will additionally contain several appendices, lexicons, etc.

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So there you have it. This is just a small preview of the sections, each of which has several chapter and addresses the important issues that it encompasses.

Just wanted to let you guys know what I was up to.